I think that if I put half of the energy I use thinking about impressing other people/thinking about guys/worrying what others think of me into my college work, I would probably get to where I am headed faster. Much faster.

I think I want a boyfriend. But in actual fact, when I lie in bed at night dreaming about my plans and where I am going, when my thoughts arrive about having a boyfriend, it doesn't necessarily do anything for me. Don't get me wrong, I love fantasising about crushes as much as the next 20 year old girl, but whenever my thought space is occupied by my ambitions to be an opera singer, I always get tingles. I get the butterflies in my stomach, I get the rush of adrenaline of knowing its out there when I work enough (I say enough because I don't believe in the connotations that working "hard" carries). And those feelings are always there when my mind is on my dreams. When my mind is on boys, on the other hand, yeah I get excited or whatever but they are nearly always accompanied by feelings of anxiousness and worry.

Why should I have to feel that way? I don't have to feel that way! Better I spend my time thinking and carrying out my Personal Legend than worry about lads.

That is not to say I don't want to fall in love. But all I've done this year - heck, longer - is think about boys. And nothing has materialised. You cannot force love. You cannot force attraction (at least not upon a sober person, which I am most of the time). Its not that I wouldn't like to have a boyfriend, its that I don't want to waste precious energy worrying about having/not having one when I could be doing something more constructive with my time and mind.

So. PLAN OF ACTION:

"To incorporate into my day more thoughts and actions on pursuing my personal legend; more things that will bring me one step closer to it all. Its where I am headed anyways, why not help things along?"

I have so many people in my life that show me love and frankly, important people that I could show a bit more love to. Including myself. I am blessed and overflowing with love. You already have what I wanted. Just not in the form I recognised.